Your nerves, your story. You get to decide what your story is around nerves and what they mean. In the end, it’s not usually the nerves that get us, but the decisions we make about them or the frame that we put around them. I use the analogy of a picture frame to describe that we can ‘decorate’ our nerves in any way we choose. How do you frame your nerves?
Here is my story about nerves. I definitely get nervous before matches. Whether it’s a mixed doubles league match here in Charlottesville, or USTA Intersectionals in Arizona, or a national tournament, I always get nervous before I play a match. In fact, if I don’t feel some nerves, I get nervous! So what do my nerves mean? How do I frame and focus my nerves to be my best inner coach?
First of all, being nervous is a good thing… a positive thing in the way Brett Ledbetter defines ‘positive’ in his book, What Drives Winning (great read for coaches, highly recommend) which is good and useful thinking. There are three ways I frame my nerves. The first is that if I am nervous it means that I am excited. Nerves and excitement are flip sides of the same coin! All of the same physiological responses that come with big excitement are the same that come with being nervous. Think of something you’re excited about, maybe your birthday, or a fun trip. What do you feel when you think about it? Maybe your heart beats faster, your stomach flips, or you get jumpy. Then, think about what happens when you’re nervous for a competition, or a presentation, or a test. Any of the same physiological reactions? I tell my team that nerves are just excitement without the breath. So with one breath we can often turn our nerves into excitement!
The second way I frame my nerves is that it means that the match (or what I am doing) is meaningful. It matters to me. I care about it. I want to play well, or give a good presentation, or create value for my listeners or students. Consequently, I have to watch my framing of this, because it is more the competition or activity that is meaningful and matters to me, but less the outcome or result. I must remember to detach that from my frame.
The third way I frame my nerves is that I am human. Phew! I am human, and it is a very human thing to get nervous before important activities, or life challenges. When I remember that I am human, I also remind myself that my opponents are human too. In his video “Surviving tennis tryouts,” Jorge Capestany reminds us to have empathy and remember that the opponent is human too, and might be just as nervous as you are. It works both ways.
So, my story about nerves goes like this: I am excited, this matters to me, and I am human. I want to perform well, compete hard, try my best, and leave it all out there. If I do that then I am satisfied. I can never control the final result, but I can control my story, my framing, and what my nerves mean to me.
