There’s another dirty, four-letter ‘F ‘ word gaining traction in our society today.
F-A-I-L
Since when did fail become a dirty word? Why is it not okay for children to stumble, or fail something — a test, quiz, or assignment, a sports tryout, game, or competition, an audition, or an anything? I hear about parents going to great lengths to protect their children from ‘failure,’ and shield them from disappointment. What have we, as a society, decided that it means if we fail at something? We’ve turned “fail” into a really dirty and depressing word. It’s time to flip the fail! It’s only failure if we perceive it as such. It could also be feedback, information, the seed of a new idea or business, or the greatest learning experience ever!
Failure is the key to learning. If we don’t fail, we don’t figure out how to learn, what to learn next, or where to go next in our practice. “Failure is feedback” is one of my favorite expressions because it’s just information, not judgement. If we don’t ever fail, we stay inside our comfort zone, where it’s cozy and warm, but stale after too long. If we don’t ever bump up against failing, we limit our development, and that’s a shame because development is plastic, and we always have the capacity to grow and change. But there is no growth in the comfort zone, where it’s the same old, same old. And by extension, there is no comfort in the growth zone, but that’s where all the juice is.
One of my favorite concepts from cognitive development is Vygotsy’s zone of proximal development, or’ZPD.’ The ZPD is the range or space between the tasks that a learner can accomplish independently, and the tasks that a learner can accomplish with assistance, which he termed ‘scaffolding.’ Scaffolding can be provided by a teacher, a more experienced peer, or other resources. So, the bottom of the ZPD, the independent task area, could be like the aforementioned comfort zone, while the upper area of the ZPD would be like the growth zone. With scaffolding, or coaching, we often build new skills, achieve new goals, and consequently see our ZPD expand. But this can only happen if we first recognize our ‘failures,’ or things we cannot do…..yet. As they say, failure is not fatal, but failure to change or grow might be.
Sometimes on the tennis court, I have fun and “flip the fail,” to shift conceptions of failure. In one drill, I’ll tell a student to “Hit the back fence,” or in other drills, swing and miss on purpose, or hit the ball down so it bounces on your own side first. First, I get a few funny looks. What?! You want me to what? But after a few shots, or after the drill is finished, my students have reconfigured their perceptions of “failing” while learning something new in the process.
So, the next time you fail at something, embrace it, and see what you’ve learned. Just F— it. Just F— it, and just F—it some more. The more you just F— it, the farther you’ll go.
